Freak outs, excuses, and explanations.

(friend)

"Do you want to go get coffee or something?"

(me)

"Yes, I need to get out and do something! I feel like everything I do lately pertains to my wedding!"

{Moment of excitement...Then, it all starts to sinks in.}

(Me)

"Wait, how much will that cost?"

(friend)

"Only a few bucks, unless you want something to eat"

(me)

"Something to eat, of course I will want something to eat, and of course that will cost more. More money that could buy Brad's wedding ring, stamps to mail wedding invites, more that could go towards wedding, wedding, wedding!"

Excuse my freak out, but to understand this posting completely, I thought it necessary.

For anyone that has planned a wedding, your probably laughing at this point shaking your head and saying something to the effect of "Been there". But, I am not laughing, actually I am almost of the verge of tears. Ok, not really tears, but I am feeling the stress of wedding budgeting. When you first get engaged, it's a magical little time bubble your in. Everything for the following weeks just seems to be so 'perfect'. HA. Perfect, what is perfect anyways?!?

Whether or not you are 'ready' or 'grown up' when you decide to get married, the wedding itself will makeup for whatever improvements you need to make in your life. Having been pretty careless with my money for the majority of my life, reality has been hitting me. I wouldn't say a slap in the face, more of a right (or left, whichever packs the biggest punch) hand undercut to the gut. I am not one of those lucky people who's parents give them thousands of dollars and say plan your dream wedding. In fact, my mom is more of a "there has to be a cheaper way to do that" sort of person. Which, to a Bridezilla, is the most annoying comment you could probably ever hear. I want what I want, and I am going to get it. Which means I get to pay for it. Joy.

I never was one who had this 'Dream Wedding' planned, that you often hear girls talking about. In fact I had no wedding plans thought up at all. Which, throughout my dream building process realized was probably a good thing, seeing how many times I changed details here and there. I can only imagine how much confusion this would have caused growing up. I think though, that I have planned something I could have never even imagined. I am at the point where my stress is being matched with excitement, and dare I say it, bliss. I am thriving on all my duties required as a bride, and loving being very 'hands on'. I made my own invitations, which, should be going out in the mail soon...deep sigh. I will make my own centerpieces, and linens, boutonnieres, and bouquets. (My mind is now going through the mental checklist...)

Besides the actual event itself, something that didn't cross my mind, was having the reception at our place. This meant people would see my house. UGH, tack on one more freak out. I will spare you the details, just so when you see it, you will think my house has always looked like it will. But, we are doing some major exterior renovations. For me, this means lots of gardening, which turned out to be a suprise blessing for three reasons.

1.) I am getting some major arm and cardio workouts in, and a little natural color to boot.

2.) It's giving me 'me' time, not that I need a whole lot more, but, hidden underneath 'wedding duties' it is something I have come to love, which is a major stress reliever.

Last but not least

3.) My yard will be beautiful, and way quicker than I would have ever planned for. I consider it a wedding cost, that is almost a present to myself, and Brad of course. We, in the process of getting ready for our wedding, are making our own little oasis.

So if between now and the wedding you ask me to do something, and see me hesitate, please don't take it personally. Just know that number signs are flashing through my head and I am trying hard to ignore them. I do honor your friendship, and hope that if I ignore you for a while, you will still attend my wedding. Because it is after all, the only reason I don't currently want to see you, or you to see my wedding crap filled house.